My darling Els,
I was in bed for 30 minutes and still, I wasn't sleepy. So I came down and grab some leftovers and finished the whole lot.
Since I was wide awake, I *[] (decided) to read a little bit.
* [] (I) [S]ee (see), you can read my Google Play Books too. But of course...
As I was about to pick up speed, my high school buddy, Munek called.
After we hung up, I helped myself with a PB&J sandwich while contemplating to write to you or not. As you can see, I succumbed to the temptation.
Honestly sweetie, I feel mortified by my actions when I was in my elated mood. It's not about being in mania or hypomania. I was wired to like you a lot. By simply thinking about you, I can become overly happy. Let alone when I actually start writing to you.
As I mentioned before, I fell in love with you on the very first day I contacted you.
Sure, it was not normal. What can I say? I was cursed with the most fucked up disorder; I have an Ultra Ultra Rapid Cycling Bipolar Type 2. It's rare!
Honey, I really hope you understand my predicament. As I'm listening to Ed Sheeran's love songs playing at Sound Journey, I become so... sigh... emotionally drawn to you. It's the same when you spin your playlist. I become a servomechanism. Sort of an Audio Slave to the songs.
Gosh, this is so distressing. I don't know how to deal with it. On one hand, I am genuinely in love with you. On the other hand, I know it is limerence caused by my neurotransmitter's fluctuations.
I'm not trying to sound needy. But honey, I have to admit; I have a condition that is beyond my control. Just like the Joker cannot control his laughs, I on the other hand cannot eradicate my issue in regulating my dopamine fluctuation.
Of course, I managed it the best I can. Nevertheless, this illness is part of me. I cannot make it go away. I can manage it through proper sleep, diet, and exercise but I guess it is something I have to live with for the rest of my life.
Suddenly All of Me by John Legend is playing. As I listen to the song, the Cybernetic Loop takes over. I become so romantically in love with you.
You may ask, "Why me?"
Well, the answer is, "You are my Dream Girl." You are all I ever wanted in a girl. So you are my wish came true. I'm always amazed by your intelligence and your resourcefulness. How can I resist?
You are funny too. You are what I categorize as the Pretty and Pretty Smart (PPS). That is a novelty.
As you can see, I am far from normal. I can accept that. I had been a deviant as far as I can remember. It doesn't bother me. Otherwise, I would not have written a blog to tell the world my story. I even agreed to be interviewed in a podcast about my experience with Bipolar. I had come to terms with this illness.
What worries me is you may not understand my situation. You might think the illness and I are the same.
I[t] (if) you can let me channel my creative energy to you through my writings, that certainly helps much. Of course, I want more. I want a relationship that I can nurture and grow.
It certainly feels weird writing and writing not even knowing if you actually get the true meaning of my message. For example, many times my tweets were misinterpreted due to the limitation of the available technology.
Tonight's Sound Journey is superb. I like this Ana Abishiga. She really put the effort into making the playlist relevant.
Happy Valentine, baby.
Love you always.
Sine Cera,
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