31/3/21 ^^^The last entry for the quarter

 In conclusion, I still experience delusion when I deal with the crowd.

Therefore to avoid erratic behaviors, I should remain in seclusion,  This is good.  No TraXX, no Els, and no Pal.  I just manage my own parameters.

Nothing else matters than SWEE.  Even meeting BJ and RR are unnecessary.  I really like the life I'm living now.  It is a life of a Hedonist Hermit.  I am here to only please myself.

Every day I work toward a sound body.  From there I achieve a sound mind.

No need to smoke cigarettes and dope.  No need to chase after cunts either.  Just go for healthy living by looking after diet and exercise.

So here I am, 100 Days NoFap and NoEls.  The higher purpose is to achieve Sex Transmutation.  If this can cure my dopamine fluctuation, then I hope I can find the cure for bipolar.

OK Then NoFap NoEls...

mm

31/3/21 ###I need to stay committed

 Looking at my experience in 2021, I must say that I need to stay away from people.  When I get excited, I become a mania.  As long as I[] (I'm) all by myself, I can contain this illness.

Certainly, I need to get away from Els.  Maybe not permanently but I will NoFab NoEls until 10/7/21.

The idea is to develop a habit and eventually a lifestyle.  As long as I can listen to 24/7 Continuous, I will be OK.

I have better self-control than to jabber aimlessly about my own life little problem to her.

Furthermore, I need those valuable moments to achieve my goal to lose 40 kg in 6 months.

As Sadhguru mentioned, we need to mo[r]e (move) from biological to a higher-order purpose.  I need to move from carnal delights to something [] (that) is mental and spiritual.

I have to create my own purpose.  I cannot think of a higher purpose than to be a man fully functioning.

At the end of the journey, my destination is to be able to function as a runner.  I am going in that direction.

If I can run 10 km a week that is such a delight.  If I can run 21 km Hill once a year, that is fabulous.

So many possibilities:

• 2 x 5 km and 10 km every week
• 2 x 10 km road and 10 km Hill every week
• 1 x 10 km Hill and 1 x 21 km Hill every year
• 4 x 21 km Hill every year

All I care about is to be able to run, run, and run.

I am building my stamina REGARDLESS OF the 21 Days Water Fast.

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Basically, if I follow Mark Sisson's advice, I will become thin and fast.

My rationale is I have to be a specialist.  My specialty is to become a runner although in general, I am an Athlete Warrior.  What I am aiming to achieve is to be a 60 kg runner.

The key is to AVOID EATING CARBS.

As long as I don't tame the insulin resistance, forever I will have health issues.

mm

  

31/3/21 ^^^I am doing away with ambiguity

 If I want to get well, I have to do away with ambiguity.

I need to deal with absoluteness.

I need to fight the three archenemies - obesity, diabetes, and cancer.

I was not taking this mission seriously enough.  I got caught up.  I should not get caught up.

What do I want?

• Health and happiness
• Thin and fast
• 55 kg and 10/km per hour
• Diet and exercise
• A sound mind in a sound body

If I focus on all these, I will be dealing with absoluteness.

No more ambiguity of the afterlife.

WHILE I AM STILL ABLE, MY GOAL IS TO CROSS THE FINISH LINE WHEN I AM 77.

By then I will run 2 Half Marathons per year on the various years within the 20 years.

I had decided that my Ikigai is to run at least 1 Half Marathon every year beginning this year.

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I was distracted by hunger.  My success is determined by my ability [to ability] to withstand hunger.

This is a minor setback.  The aching left knee is becoming more glaring.  So I have my challenges.

All can be solved by eating OMAD LCHF.  I need to start eating butter again.

I have to persist on SWEE.  

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Sarah, as it is there are already enough challenges to achieve a sound body.  I don't want other factors like stress and pressure to affect my aim to achieve a sound mind.

That is why in the process of achieving a sound mind in a sound body, I will push aside ambiguous thoughts.

That is the reason I push Els aside, she is nonreciprocal.  To me, that is being ambiguous.

I can't afford vagueness at this point.  I need to recover.  I had done many things.  The last is to get rid of Els.

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My strategy is basically:

• Sleep Well
• *Mo[r]e (Move) More
• Eat Right

* If I want to be an Athlete4Life, this is my main focus.

mm

 

31/3/21 ***Back on track with the Vision Quest

 The reality to me is being able to SWEE.  That is my Vision Quest simplified.

True enough when I sleep early, I wake up early.  That is the beginning of a great day ahead.

When we talk about a sound mind, that comes from a sound body.

So my mission is to be physically active on a daily basis.

I got to stick to the knitting day in day out until it becomes a lifestyle.

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A sound body is an answer to a sound mind.  Therefore, just like Michelangelo, I am here to sculpt my body for the next 2 years.

How do I do it?

Through diet and exercise.  I eat OMAD LCHF and I exercise AHAD and OMEH. 

This way I scale down to what really matters; a sound mind.

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I want to focus on the vital few.

As it is, I will focus on weight reduction.  I need to hit 83 kg at worst by 12/4/21.

mm

>>>#31/3/21 I was crazy because I cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined

 To me everything is real.  That is the root cause of my delusions.  If I can solve this issue, I am on my road to recovery.

I need to stop having false beliefs.

As the first step, I got to stop believing in the afterlife. My future outlook stops in 2041 when I am 77.

I am not responsible for any vision beyond 2041.  I'll cross the bridge when I get there.

Until then 2041 is my crossing line.

Even Sailbad the Sinner is meant to sail until 2041.

I had decided to go on a 20 years voyage.  Along the way, I will complete 4 years of 2 Half Marathons; 2024, 2029, 2034, and 2041.  No frills, no spectators, no fancy charades; just me and the road.

Therefore besides losing 40 kg, fasting for 21 days, running 10 km, and running 21 km; my goal for this year is to cut off from Els.

Avril is singing Complicated on the radio.  That's right Avril, I need to make things simple, not simpler.

I have to call a spade a spade.  Els is nonreciprocating.  Not only that, I HATE this current Evening Drive     lineup with Auto in the picture.

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OK, enough of the long-term planning.  Now is for the short-term goals.  Basically, I still have a chance to cut 5 kg by 12/4/21.

I can talk about it or I can do something about it.

I need to get rid of this deadman's curse from my mind.

I also need to get rid of Els.  That is ONE MAJOR DELUSION.

mm

  

>>>#30/3/21 I was derailed again.

 I am slacking when comes to waking up.  From there on it is a Domino's Effect; no mood to exercise and then ate Nasi Lemak.

I have to stop this runaway train.

I was doing fine for 2 months.  I must be patient and persistent.

NO MORE MINDLESS BUYING

My next purchase is the Pak John buffet, then the supplements, then the dental care.  Finally, the 10 kg dumbbell.

Those sex toys are deceiving.

It was a good education but that's about it.

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Just a thought...  I am so glad I no longer addicted to the 3 Cs.  Now I am doing away with fap until 10/7/21.

I have to find ways to become a better person.  Therefore if they say semen retention is good, then I'll give it a shot.  At least I try it and see how it affects my overall wellbeing.

However, according to the medical profession, it is healthy to jerk off.

I should give no fap a try.  At least for 100 days.

Whatever it takes to stabilize my dopamine surge.

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Enjoy the garden but don't spill the 2 drops of oil in the spoon.

What is the oil in the spoon?  None other tha[t] (than) SWEE:

• Sleep at 9:30 pm
• Wake up at 4:30 am
• Exercise AHAD
• Eat OMAD LCHF

These are the basic requirements.

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I think, my communication with Els is causing me to be delusional.

I need to look at ways to improve my mental health.  I had eliminated substances, now is to improve the dopamine fluctuations.

Tonight I calibrate back SWEE.

I have to stay focused.  Otherwise, I will not achieve my two goals to be thin and fast.

While I am on this 100 days NoFap mission, I will make an attempt to cut Els off.  If I can do away with fap, I can certainly do away with limerence.

The 21/90 rule states that it takes 21 days to make a habit and 90 days to make it a permanent lifestyle change. ... Commit to your goal for 21 days and it will become a habit. Commit to your goal for 90 days and it will become a part of your lifestyle.

Els is an addiction.  I got to stop all forms of addiction.  A good alternative is to listen to 24/7 Continuous.

So I think it is a good strategy to stop fapping and [and] at the same time to stop listening to Els. 

This is 2021 and I am still experiencing delusions.  I have to fight this.  There is no reason why I should still contact Els. She is nonreciprocating.  Also, I don't like this new trio arrangement they are having.

Now that 24/7 Continuous is stable, I have very little need for TraXX.

What I hope to achieve with this 100 days NoFap is the stabilization of testosterone and dopamine.

I also hope I can get over Els.  There is no relationship whatsoever.  I have to take it that I need to end the interaction.  I am better off loving myself than loving somebody who is nonreciprocating.

mm

  

>>>#29/3/21 This is my umpteenth time trying to restart my diet and fail

 Is it willpower?  No, I am off-centered.  I started sleeping late.  I need to calibrate my sleep once again.  I was off-centered since I caught the flu on 18/3/21.

Tonight I MUST sleep a[s] (at) 9:30 pm.  I need to get back into the groove.

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I got to go back to my world of isolation.  Where my only purpose is to be thin and fast.

My aspiration is to run, run and run.

Basically, I drailed this month.  I need to be on track all over again:

• Sleep at 9:30 pm
• Wake up at 4:30 am
• Run at 6:00 am
• Eat OMAD LCHF
• Do One Minute Exercise Every Hour 

I have [] (to) soldier on to achieve my lifelong goals to be thin and fast.  This is my revelation.  Sure there are so many revelations and delusions that I had to deal with, in the end, nothing else matters except to be thin and fast.  That's MY ticket to health and happiness.

So far, there are so many stories.  Either I listen to other people's stories or I live by my story.

mm