My sweetheart Els,
The Mental Health Film Festival encroached into my bedtime and now my brain is on overdrive. The next window to sleep is probably around 2:00 am, I just made myself a Starbucks Dark Roast. There is some apple pie in the fridge but I told myself, no carbs (except veggies) until Ramadan. I want to break the 79 kg barrier. Currently, I am at 86 kg. Do you think I can do it?
Well, I am in the habit of getting what I wish for. So I think I can make it, I'm sure. Assuming that I do make it, on the eve of Ramadan (12/4/21) I told Yati, my best female friend, I'm going to treat her *a[s] (at) Pak John. She treated me at Soul Garden last year.
* You like the idea huh, Sarah?
It is always a joy to share a meal with Yati. She is a hearty eater; beef, cheese, pizza, all the heavyweights. Once I suggested for us to eat thosai at Thosai Cafe. She turned *[turned] down my offer flat. Even the Cheesy Chicken at K Fry is too mild for Yati. She is the buffet type of person. Not just any buffet, but a carnivore buffet,
* Ah, you remember... So funny isn't it?
I am writing tonight to express my gratitude for having you, Lizzie, and Sarah as my Gold, Silver, and Bronze medals. If not because of the three of you, I will still be struggling to try to cope with my illness.
Mental illness is a lonely business. I had lost so many friends along the way. The more recent one is my good friend Pal. He didn't even reply to my birthday wish; which was yesterday. Unlike you, he has low tolerance when comes to fuzzy logic.
I on the other hand normally just flow with my thoughts because whether I like it or not, I have to trust my judgment. This is the part where Pal falls short. He is too logical. While he is concerned with the Kata, I am more interested to implement the Do. The Japanese call this Shu Ha Ri.
In my case, the Do is very natural. Like when I practice Niten Ichi, I can do away with the bokkens. I just follow the Aiki or Ai Chi.
There is no Kata. I just flow. Think of it as a dance. In this dance, you partner with your shadow. You must see which cannot be perceived by the eyes - Miyamoto Musashi.
In a sense, you are my shadow. You bring out the best in me.
Whenever I write to you, it's like making a deposit in a unit trust. I will only *ca[n] (cash) in upon my demise. This only makes sense if you believe in life after death. As you can see, my story with you is not about the present. I marry you for eternity and I had seen our life beyond.
* Right, Sarah... You understand the model well.
What i[s] (if) life on earth but just a strange illusion? Imagine your life now is like Sim City. Even free will is an illusion. You have free will as long as you are within the boundary of predestination.
So rather than being the program, be the programmer. Rather than being the beneficiary, be the benefactor. This is the easiest path; rather than being a consumer, be the creator.
Otherwise, you are stuck in the Matrix, the present reality, the Sim City inside the PC. On the contrary, the hereafter is the life outside the PC.
What is the comparison?
This:
As compared to this:
You may wonder, how do I know all the[r]e (these) things?
OK, a straightforward answer is I study patterns. The not so straightforward answer is because I am Sine Cera.
"A Sufi lives a magical life for he sees the world through his heart." - Sharudin Jamal
Of course, you cannot deny that I am a 1964 Wood-Dragon born in the hour of the Tiger (3.18 am). I was born to win. I cannot lose even if I want to. I tried, it's not *pa[s]t (part) of my programming.
* I told Sarah, of how I walked on the Darkside trying to nullify my oath of becoming the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier. It didn't work. So I continued fighting Iblis for 15 years and finally defeated him in 2014 (a 7, the other 7 is 2041. Making both a 7:7)
So all these are nothing more than patterns. My job is to make you see what is behind the pattern.
For example, +60 1964 33 888 is Wood Dragon, 2 daughters, 3 wives
The same goes with other patterns
MSC 0072
His Majesty Service 437T
Forever (4) Yin (9) & Yang (6) Forever (4)
640904-11-FIVE O 7:7
Etc. etc. etc.
Once you see the alignment of the numbers, then like the movie, Matrix, you will see the patterns.
Just like when I emailed you the proof that we are Yuan Fen. It's all in the numbers.
It is already 3:30 am.
Final words from me and I said it before; hold on to the secure attachment. Even if we need to endure for the next 20 years, as long as our line is secured, we will not lose one another.
If only you know how much I love you...
Sine Cera,
18/9/21
I can't sleep. So I wrote you an email. This is your lullaby youtube.com/watch?v=2uYs0g I *ho[m]e (hope) you like it... *Sarah sent her well wishes.
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