Wednesday, 6 January 2021

6/1/21 ^^^As it is, my priority is happiness

 At this point, I am depressed and delusional.  The battle is not over yet.

I won my battle with Nicorette, however, I had not won my battle with carbs.  I need to start SWEE-nS again.

Let's face it.  I am a mental patient.  I am not supposed to work.  So the fact that I have money in the bank is really a blessing.

I can safely say goodbye to the training business.

I like it that I don't have to work.  So let's close the chapter.

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What is my issue with money?  I need to buy things to wear and eat.  Do I have money?  Yes, I do.  Therefore it is not an issue.

Next is my issue with Els.  It is not an issue either.  I can still listen WITHOUT having to spend money on her.

So, what is my issue?  I have problems with money if I keep buying expensive stuff.  If I buy things like McCafe Iced Americano as a form of indulgence, I don't need to buy the Starbucks Dark Roast.  The Iced Americano surely tastes better.

Let's be realistic.  For the past one week or so I had indulged in carbs.  What did I learn?

CARBS ARE ADDICTIVE

If I can stay away from carbs I can reduce my spending significantly.  Then I don't need the nasi lemak, the curry puff, and the banana fritters.

As for coffee, I settle for Iced Dark Roast. 

A smarter choice is by switching to tea and still drink Iced Americano 4 times a month.

I'll settle for the Starbucks Dark Roast with ice and hot tea.  I however will stop ACV once I finish with this stock.

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Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Just my luck, after 3 weeks on One Meal A Day (OMAD) and no Sugar and Starch, I was hit by a week of Carbs Cravings. Worst, I was hit by a pre-depression feeling of blah...

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm I wish it is easy as popping a few pills. Really, honey, I want to get well the soonest. Still, this is a lifetime condition. To get the sweet spot is quite an endeavor. And yet, I have to keep marching to the beat of the old drum.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm I don't normally tell people my challenges but you seem to care. So this is the first-hand experience of what mental illness is all about. It's not like the movies where people go crazy. It's the balancing between delusion and depression.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Sometimes it is so surreal. I mean, I read about the symptoms and here I am experiencing them. I can actually read the illness like a textbook but I can't control it no matter how well versed I am. Should I laugh or cry?

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm So the basic question is, do I really love you for eternity? The closest I can commit is the dowry and the sustenance. But then I cannot control the decision-making process. So can you accept my commitment to be with you 4 hours a day?

OK, I said my piece.  Time to let go.

If I can accept that this is my fate, then I work within my parameters.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm So here is the farrago; if you think I am a bag of nonsense, we can end it here. However, if you consider these shenanigans are a form of therapy, I will persist.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm It can be somewhat embarrassing tweeting you without knowing what is in your mind. I'm doing it because you mean much to me.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm This is the 4th year I'm using radio as therapy. So far I am getting positive results.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm I just finished analyzing my tweets to you since Christmas. I tried recalling your embedded commands for today as well. This is my response: youtube.com/watch?v=K0HfS5 Jolly good Els, help me fight this illness. I can't do it alone.

mm



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