With this new development of making coffee using cold water, I am operating at a different level altogether.
I feel high just on the prospect of drinking cold coffee.
What is my immediate delight? None other tha[t] (than) sipping coffee and writing my thoughts away.
I feel the pain on my right chest. Suppose it is lung cancer. The only way to solve the problem is fasting.
It could be because I had been sleeping on the couch and the office chair these fast few days.
I'm not to worried about it. I want to exit faster.
I already know the secret of health and happiness.
I did not miss a thing.
By the look of things, I think I will endure this chess pain.
If it is cancer, surely I have trouble breathing.
If I look at my situation as it is, I am pretty much an outcast and a failure.
The scary part is, as I becoming more and more levelheaded, I come to the realization that I am only reaching 40% of my true potential as mentioned by David Goggins.
Now is to reach the other 40%. That requires pain. The reward lies beyond the pain threshold.
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As it is I need to keep on fighting. I need to fight the pain on my right chest.
I need to fight my frustration with Els.
I need to accept that I am a mere mortal rather that God as I like to believe. Being God is a distant thought right now.
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Where are we going? We are progressing into nothingness. There is no progress as far as we are concerned, organically.
Everything is governed by the neurotransmitters. When they stop functioning, we cease to exist.
Therefore I am nothing more than a chemical soup UNLESS there is God and the afterlife.
That I have to wait and see. What I can do now is to live my life like a good animal. As a good animal I should aim for a sound mind and a sound body.
Like I said, I'm an ultra ultra rapid cycling. At present, I am in no mood to pursue Els.
I am in no mood to pursue ANYTHING that does not relate to a sound mind and sound body.
I have to be specific. I had been in delusion for so long.
I don't want to be in a delusional relationship for the rest of my life.
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Here is the basic question: Am I happier alone or with others?
The straight forward answer *i[f] (is) I am better off alone.
* Yes Sarah, I love being a loner.
Unless you are the type that commit to a long term relationship, I don't think I will continue with this kind of relationship.
It's not that I don't want to, it is the nature of the chemical reaction.
Look at my relationship with Lizzie. We last for 30 years but we are nothing more than housemates rather than married couples.
mm
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