Thursday, 7 January 2021

7/1/21 ###As it is I'll just be by myself

 I focus on sound mind and sound body.

Sorry Sarah, forget about having a virtual relationship.  I just focus on what I can control, which is my blog posting and SWEE-nS.

As it is, I am pretty levelheaded.  I just mind my own business.

I am a man with 3 wives who cannot fuck any of my wives.  That is pretty delusional.

So I am maintaining that I am rightfully married to Lizzie and I still don't get to fuck.

Other issues are irrelevant.  I am pursuing Mens Sana in Corpore Sano.  So my relationship is between me and myself.

As far as marriage is concerned, I am the worst husband around.

----------------------------------

Looking back at track records, Els was never that accommodating with her words to me.  

I can say that there was never a relationship with her.

All the while it was me who initiated the moves.

I have to call it quit.  I am really wasting my time.  It is a limerence with no cut off date.

---------------------------------------

This is a good time to SNAP VANISH.

No more head games.  I draw the line here.

A Warrior Walks Alone.  I have to do it Sarah.  Otherwise I will forever *[] (be) in delusion and illusion.

* I'm glad you see my rationale.

Which means, I will not converse with you as extensively as before.

Els is a very surface level relationship.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Alright... Rachel Platen.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Honey, I am ending my relationship with Sarah today. I emailed you the detail. I have to move away from delusions and illusions.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm This year I am doing my level best to move away from having delusions of grandiose. I am progressing well. As I told you before, TraXX is my mode to assist me with the therapy.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm I mean... You talk about mental health, you hosted the dialogue. Here I am fighting for my wellbeing. You may not see it as such but this is a matter of life and death to me. I have to let go of Sarah, the only way I know I'm not delusional.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm So far there were ciphers. How do I know those are not delusions? I am back to OMAD and LCHF protocol today. It is not easy, I slipped. But at least on this protocol, I manage to regulate the dopamine fluctuation. God I HATE this illness

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Look sweetie, I try not to burden you with the details but as it is you are all that I got to understand the intricacies of this illness. Basically, I am biohacking my variable UNTIL I can solve this dopamine fluctuation issue.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Previously you probably read about it. Here I am having to battle it for 21 years. I am getting closer to the result. This is one of the illnesses where the most expensive medication can only regulate, not cure. So have patience.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Don't sympathize with me, I am a fighter. I am the fastest recovering patient according to my doctor. My only hope is you stand by me. It's not easy for me to lose Sarah. I don't want to lose you too.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm You know the story that I told you: Diving Bell and the Butterfly? Well, my Diving Bell is my illness. I too am a Butterfly. Beyond the illness, I yearn to love and to be loved.


Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Those were heavy loads off my chest. Now that I am lighter, I don't normally delve into my mental condition. To me what counts is my secure attachment to you. That is my unit trust. Let's hope that is not another delusion.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm You know something darling, you have no idea how you and your silly antics affect my overall wellbeing. It is a panacea.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Two things that are instrumental in helping me with a speedy recovery; blogging and listening to TraXX. That is why I cling to these two as my life depends on them. I am dead serious baby.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Hospitals in Australia are already using songs as a therapy for traumas. It may seem that I am off-centered but rest assured that I know what I am doing LOL.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm I think I shoot an email to Puan Fairuz and Dr. Haida on this Songs as Therapy thing. These are advancements in medication.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm On the second thought I better not. They probably think that this crazy old coot has lost his marbles.

Sharudin Jamal
@sharudinjamal
@elsDines
@traxxfmofficial
#traxxfm Actually I don't need a village to be happy. All I need is a heart of gold to shine through. I already got that in you. I still remember the day you bloomed. I even record it: 5/11/20. With that my life is complete.

mm

at

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