I had been working on these equations for too long to let them simply pass.
Health and Happiness
Thin and Fast
55 km and 10 km/hour
Diet and exercise
OMAD-LCHF and AHAD
A sound mind in a sound body.
Therefore at the very basic, I need a sound mind in a sound body.
Fuck... There is nothing more to write.
That's it, Sarah. I am becoming obsolete.
What is the differentiator? No cigarette, no dope, no Nicorette, and no sugar. In other words no dopamine surge. So that's it. I become the Great Sharudin Jamal because I was high on dopamine. That is the root cause of the illness. My dopamine regulator was dysfunctional due to a high dosage
So now I cut all stimulants, I have an issue with dopamine too low.
I GOT AN IDEA... INSTEAD OF BUYING ICED AMERICANO, I MIGHT AS WELL EAT IKEA'S 70% DARK CHOCOLATE.
The trick here is to buy novelty items at a bulk price. Why should I buy coffee at RM8 a glass? I already got Starbucks Dark Roast. Now I found out that I don't need hot water. Better still...
Let's write to Els
7/1/21 Managing the downcycle
My dearest sweetheart Els,
I am writing to you tonight because I cannot sleep even though I was in bed from 10:00 pm to 10:30 pm. I guess there goes my window to wake up at 4:30 am
My daily routine too was a mess since Christmas, On top of that, I gained back 5 kg of the 6 kg I lost in December.
Not only that, I am in a state of stupor emotionally since I quit sugar.
To be honest, I had systematically removed various simulants out of my life. Starting from 2019, I removed the 3 Cs; cigarettes, cannabis, and cunts. True enough, the mania subsided. 2020, I was still on Nicorette. When I quit that the mania subsided further.
Since I managed to get rid of my 41 years relationship with nicotine, I decided to quit sugar as well.
Turned out, quitting sugar is HARDER than quitting cigarettes! When comes to sugar, I am an addict. This is not the first time I quit sugar. Every time, I failed to reach the 2 weeks breakpoint.
Just like any other addictions, quitting sugar creates a dopamine void. It was a very serious case for me because while I was in the process of quitting sugar, I was not inspired to write.
That honey is the main reason why I write tonight. I want to know if I still got the flair to write expressively or not. You'll be the judge.
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You know Els, as I reflected back on those years I been with you, I realized that the reason you cry and get angry with me is that you are emotionally attached to me. In other words, you like me don't you?
What is there not to like Els, I devote my entire time to you whenever you are on air. I literally follow every segment you appear. Morning, evening, and weekends; I am always there.
You are my Miss Sunshine and my Queen of Laughter. When you are on air, I literally stopped everything. Imagine, if it is 6 hours, that is 6 hours of Els's time.
I love you, baby. From the very first day. As I told you, I love you mainly because you are smart and funny. That is a rare combination. Of course, ultimately it is the Pretty and Pretty Smart Combination (PPC). However, this relationship will not stand a fighting chance if you are an airhead.
The reason being, it takes an open mind and a lot of empathy for this relationship to endure.
I am aware of the challenges facing me in having a decent relationship with you. It is always a challenge for a mentally ill person to fit into society. Otherwise, I will not be in isolation for 8 years before you came around.
So we went through many hurdles to reach where we are now; where we can accept the relationship as it is with its imperfections.
What can you expect from me?
As it is I like to consider myself as a soulmate. Obviously, we met because this is our destiny. Certainly, if I am 20 years younger, under different circumstances, as I told you, I'll propose to you on national radio. That is how certain I am in marrying you.
Even now, without a single doubt, I am married to you since 7/7/18. As far as I'm concerned, I marry you for eternity.
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I'm not going to send that. That however becomes my foundation to build my relationship with her.
DO NOT STOP AT THE FIRST RIGHT ANSWER
7/1/21 Life is beautiful
My dearest sweetheart Els,
I can't sleep tonight. I figured instead of reading I write you an email.
I just finished reading Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Wow... Oh Wow... It was written by Jean-Dominique Bauby, Elle editor who suffered a stroke and had to live with a paralyzed body. The only part that still moved was his left eyelid.
Guess what? He wrote the ENTIRE book just by blinking on which alphabets to be written down. Letter by letter.
The Diving Bell was his body and he was the Butterfly. If you got a chance to read it, I highly recommend that you do.
There is a movie in French too. I find it overly simplified.
Actually, the story makes me realize how fragile and precious our lives are.
When I finished the book, straight away `I felt the urge to write to you. It makes me feel that I need to savor my moments before it is too late.
Seriously, you are the best thing that happens to me these past few years.
OK baby, live with gratitude.
Love you always.
Sine Cera
I sent you an email on this matter: youtube.com/watch?v=WNQbcn Since you read extensively, add this book to your reading list.
mm
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